Monday, 18th September 2023

We’d never been on a cruise of any sort before, assuming you don’t count long ferry trips to and from Finland or overnight journeys between the UK and Europe. But we have friends, John and Janice, who have been many times and love the whole experience. So much so that we said we’d give it a go, as long as they could find a short trip so that if we hated it we wouldn’t be seriously out of pocket or out of holiday entitlement. And so, one slightly dull Monday morning, we found ourselves trundling along the A34 in the direction of Southampton, only hampered by the fact that the Highways’ authority seems to be digging up the entirety of the Oxford ring road, possibly to move it all of 500 metres west of its current position or something.

Once we’d escaped the contraflow mayhem, we had no trouble finding the car park for our particular trip. We’d booked, along with J and J, to travel with Cunard on the Queen Mary 2 from Southampton to Hamburg and back, a total of one stop in Hamburg and four nights on board. That, we figured, should be enough time to get a reasonable taste for life on board, without risking disappointment or similar, and we already knew Hamburg fairly well, so a short day trip would be fine. We’d got a check in time starting from 14:00 with a window of around two hours to get there, and were very pleased with the whole process. Compared to an airport check-in, this was an absolute breeze. A member of the car parking company’s staff met us, photographed the car, handed us a barcode and took the keys, and we crossed the road to the terminal building where lots of helpful people were on hand to point us in the right direction.

We dropped our enormous bags (we’d packed probably far more than we would need, ‘just in case’), then joined a very short, fast moving queue. We needed to be photographed, so that it was clear we were who we said we were, and then we were handed individually addressed envelopes with our key cards. Another short queue for passport control, and an even shorter well-managed queue to go through security with our hand luggage, and we were walking up the gangplank to the ship.

Our bags had arrived before we even got to Deck 11 and our Britannia Balcony stateroom. These are not huge, but they are comfortable (excellent beds), well-equipped (lots and lots of coat hangers, most hotels, please take note), and more importantly they do indeed have a balcony, which means you can get outside without needing to take to the decks all the time.

Needless to say, the view of Southampton’s dock area is not as exciting as some views could be, but it was an excuse to test the balcony out for size! First, though, we unpacked, acting on J and J’s advice to use every other coat hanger first so that we wouldn’t have empty ones clattering against each other if the crossing turned rough. This is not something we would have thought of for ourselves, so it was good to have experienced advice to draw on. They also pointed out that the beds are designed with space underneath them to store your suitcase. We’d shoved ours into a part of the wardrobe we didn’t need… 

Also putting that experience to good use after we’d finished organising ourselves, and our steward Melissa had dropped in to introduce herself, we went on a ramble around the various decks, establishing where everything was and trying to get our bearings. The QM2 is, thankfully, a smallish ocean liner (not a cruise ship, there’s a difference apparently) with a maximum capacity of 2,691 guests and 1,173 crew. This, I think, is manageable. I couldn’t imagine being on one of those ships that look like someone has uprooted a medium-sized city and put pontoons under it… We found the planetarium, and the theatre, as well as the dance floor in the Queens Room, and located the gym, the spa and the art gallery.

We also found the kennels, which are apparently only used on transatlantic crossings for both dogs and cats, and which has its own lamp post, much to our amusement. Oh, and these are not sculptures, they’re spares (propeller blades), believe it or not.

I also established where I could run (Deck 7 between 08:00 and 20:00 only please), and we sorted out which bar was which. The look of the ship harks back to the art deco splendour of her predecessor, now retired to Long Beach, as can be seen in the Queens Room. There’s a bit of scuffing here and there, inevitable given the number of passengers that must have passed through, but it is all genuinely lovely. We didn’t find the bookshop or the library, but that was fine, we had time.

And so we retired to 11109 and prepared for dinner. Cunard request “smart attire” after 6pm in certain areas of the ship, and we’ve neither of us ever been able to resist an opportunity to “dress for dinner”! It then became a case of “where shall we go for pre-dinner drinks?” So many choices, it was hard to make a sensible decision. Again, we went with J and J’s suggestion and headed for the Commodore Club to enjoy the view while we could. We’d already had an afternoon pit stop there, so we knew where it was. Unfortunately, because of its design, the window blinds are lowered at sunset, otherwise the captain can’t see where they’re going because the lights reflect up into the bridge! We enjoyed the views while they lasted, but then the staff came round and pulled the blinds closed, shutting out the Solent and beyond as we headed to the English Channel at a slow and steady pace. It was slightly surprising to see, because I genuinely hadn’t noticed us starting to move. Actually, given that Lynne tends to get seasick, the sheer stability of QM2 boded well for an easy trip.

Over drinks, we studied the programme for the evening, but decided dinner was the most important event. It was also decided that we wouldn’t hit the cocktail list (which is different in each bar) this early in the trip, or even the day, but would instead stick to prosecco. It was probably a wise decision given that the cocktails in this bar are either terrifyingly alcoholic and/or more like a liquid dessert, although John opted for a slightly disturbing G&T. I’m not sure that I’d want a drink that seemed to be looking at me in an accusing manner, but then I don’t like gin anyway (I’d far rather bite into a juniper berry).

We opted to take a second drink in the Carinthia Lounge because we were only on board for four nights and with fifteen restaurants and bars to choose from we were going to have our work cut out getting round them! Janice was especially keen on this location, given that it boasted of having the largest collection of port and sherry at sea. Janice is not known as the Port Monster to some of us for nothing, so this needed to be checked out. Here we spent some time wrangling with the concept of a drinks package, and finally opted for the Commodore’s package of 12 bottles between the four of us, before we finally headed for our allotted restaurant. This had required a bit of wrangling and persuasion by John and Janice when they realised that, despite making the original booking for all of us, we’d been given different tables. The whole point of going on holiday together is to be together. I don’t know what they needed to do to sort it out, but 15 minutes later, a piece of paper with a reservation that matched theirs was pushed under our door.

Our stateroom meant meals in the Britannia Restaurant were included, and we had a choice of the far too early sitting of 6:15 or the slightly too late 8:30. We opted for the 8:30 and were given a table towards the back of the dining room, tucked away in a relatively quiet corner in what is a very beautiful space. However, the food was the point where the experience wasn’t quite as good as I was hoping. What we got to eat was perfectly good, it just wasn’t exciting. Additionally, I wasn’t overly keen on the lights going up before we’d quite finished. I’ve never liked being rushed, and I did feel as if that was happening to us. We were the last to leave, and we’d been sitting down less than two hours.

We thought after that we’d have a digestif somewhere, but would just pass through G32, the nightclub on board. Well, that didn’t work out as planned, and several drinks later, we’d hit the dancefloor hard, worked our way through a substantial portion of the cocktail menu, and it was the wee small hours of the morning. A side trip to the “midnight buffet” in the Kings Court tempted John, and so we eventually made it to bed after a busier than expected first day.